Have you heard? There’s no escape from grief! No matter who you are and what your status in life is, the reality is, grief excuses no one. No one at all! When a loved one dies or a lover or a friend leaves, or when a job is lost, a course is flunked, a property is gone or movement restricted, we feel pain- and sometimes, excruciatingly. Then we grieve.
When we know we’re suffering and bent out of shape, we need our support system to carry on. But sometimes, even access to emotional support is not always available and easy. Some of us find ourselves alone in a far city, unable to communicate with our friends and family. Some of us feel that opening up to them would only add to their burden. More often than not we forget our own well-being because we prioritize others’. Do you know what’s worse than grief? Unresolved grief.
Some of us resort to social media trying to build a supportive micro-community composed of people who go through the same hardships as us. We reach out to people who we think share our vulnerabilities and take healing from there. But the virtual world is also poisonous as it is therapeutic. Fortunate are those who truly found comfort in this avenue but those who haven’t, are left to be marred by even more unforgiving criticisms.
And so while we mindlessly wait for that time of healing to come, we reach out to the things available to us that seem to numb our pain fast. We are so uncomfortable with grief that we focus all our energy on maladaptive coping mechanisms.
Drugs, alcohol, overworking, sex, social withdrawal, and among many other things – oversleeping.
Little do we realize that all these fear-based distractions lead to a plethora of more problems- of more suffering. Until we reach the point where we are just stuck. We are stuck in a seemingly infinite cycle of pain. When we reach this phase, we begin to think that maybe we are destined for doom. Maybe we deserve every single bad thing that has happened to us. Or not.
When nothing else seems to work, our entire being becomes so tired that we rest our case on the mantra that, “time heals everything.” But here’s another truth-slap. It does not!
Time heals only when we do the right things through time. And what is this thing? Self-care.
Our circumstances are singular. Each person’s suffering and grief is distinct. But a common thing among people grieving is the pain that is felt individually. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. It’s like being totally beaten up but you can’t see the wounds. More than ever, this is when we need self-care. Here are some common self-care things to keep in mind:
Emotional Validation
The first brave step towards healing is to validate your emotions. Know that our grief is real and present and that we must allow ourselves to feel the wide expanse of emotions -emotions that we don’t always understand. And that’s okay! We’re not supposed to always understand. The last time I checked, that’s very human.
Seek help when necessary
Growing up, we’re taught many things. But so very few of us are taught- let alone know- how to process emotions. It’s a good thing we have practitioners and experts on the field who can objectively view our situation and help us work through our grief. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of insightfulness and humanness.
Meditate
When we’re grieving, we tend to be overwhelmed with emotions that we find tough to handle, and so instead of facing our emotions, we avoid them. Meditation helps us declutter our minds, allowing us to think more clearly and cultivate our inner wisdom.
Connect
Do yourself a favor and connect with the good people around you. Know that not everybody is against you. There are those who love you and believe you’re strong even when you don’t know it. Connecting with people has been scientifically proven to boost overall well-being.
Be patient with yourself
When they say good things take time, it applies to recovery and acceptance, too. A person’s grieving process is unique. It should not be rushed nor compared to that of others. Honor your emotions and be kind to yourself. Be a friend to your self.
The process takes time. Grieving takes time. Take your time. To be wounded was not a decision we chose for ourselves, but to choose to heal is ours.