My first recommendation was from a young lady who was in her 20s, a professional lady, very accomplished in her field. She was gay. Her family was from a strict Italian background; very family oriented, but also wanted her to have what they deemed a normal life. They wanted her to marry a man.
This was causing her so much pressure and concern as she was very close to her family. They often travel back in the state, two or three times a year to see her.
She had been in a loving relationship with her female partner for a couple of years now and they are now living together. However, she could not tell her family. This was the very reason why she came to see me. She was so torn. Both were so important to her. Her partner’s family were very accepting of her sexual preference, so there was no problem there.
Let’s call the lady, Nikki and her partner, Robin. Robin sometimes had difficulties understanding just how hard it was for Nikki to tell her family, and for Robin to be part of family celebrations. Nikki’s family met Robin and liked Robin, but they never knew that Robin was Nikki’s partner. Nikki kept it secret, but it did not sit well with her. She wanted things to be different.
So together, we worked out how it would be possible for her to live her true life – to tell her family and deal with whatever may come because of course, whatever may come was very scary. Nikki told her sister. She was supportive but warned her not to tell their parents. So Nikki kept hiding the secret, feeling more and more torn.
After a few weeks and months of sitting in the therapist chair with me, she got up the courage to ring her parents. She felt that she could not tell them in person, so she rang her parents and she told them. They were shocked. They were angry. They said, “I love you but we’re not sure we can accept this.” Then they hung up.
This dramatically impacted Nikki. She tried to contact them a few times but it just felt colder than before. Then again, we worked out a plan to move forward. Nikki, acting on her values, was open to contact her parents. She missed them dreadfully.
This is where I left Nikki. This is where Nikki and I parted company for a while and the waiting game for Nikki continues. She was sure her parents loved her and she did not want to put any pressure on them. She waited.
Much to my absolute delight, a couple of years later, I received an email from Nikki with a picture of her and Robin on their wedding day, surrounded by family and friends. Underneath, Nikki had written:
“Thank you so much for all your support and help. Without you, I never want would have got to enjoy this beautiful day with Robin, and all of my family, all happy and supportive of our choices. Thank you.”
