The liberating struggle of moving on from an unhealthy relationship

We get it! You’re in love and you’re so used to being around him all the time. You already even imagined the rest of your life with him. You don’t mind compromising your own wants and needs at times because the very person who’s giving you heartaches and those sleepless nights, is the exact same person who makes it crazy ecstatic! But sweetheart, all that emotional volatility is not healthy! I don’t know what kind of dramatic love entertainment has shown you, but love isn’t supposed to be emotionally exhausting. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for and you deserve to be loved in a healthy way. 

So here’s a little news for you. 

It’s not good for you. Let go. 

Think of it in the same way as dieting, or working out. You love munching on unhealthy food so much, with or without knowing it’s actually bad for you. You’re so used to eating it, you even swore you can’t live without it. But if you’re not cutting out that unhealthy food from your diet, you’re going nowhere but downhill. 

It’s not easy, I know. But the first thing that you have to do is to make that commitment to yourself that from today onwards, you will only want nothing for yourself  but good things, including a good and healthy love. You will have to make this commitment to yourself  and say no to everything that doesn’t serve your goal to emotional freedom.  Without resolute determination, you won’t succeed doing something as challenging as moving on from a relationship- unhealthy or not. 

Of course there will be moments when memories will creep in. Don’t deny that emotion. It’s normal, it happens to everyone. It’s totally normal to have frequent episodes of reminiscing about the past and thinking what could have been. However, also take that time to think about what the past has taught you and use that lesson to grow, whether individually, with another, or both. 

Sure! We know it takes a lot of work to get out of an unhealthy relationship because of how deep the emotional roots have gotten, and no matter how stormy the relationship may sometimes seem, we’ve gotten used to it. We’re comfortable.  We’ve learned to be comfortable with our partners not meeting the standard of treatment we set for ourselves. We forgive them even before they apologize because we love them. But that’s where we’re wrong. Loving someone shouldn’t force you to accept a cheaper quality of love and respect. 

You can’t change a person, that’s a fact people will have to accept.  And if you see your partner not changing for the better no matter what you do, it’s not on you, because it isn’t about you. Don’t take it personally.

It’s difficult, we know! No one ever said it’s easy! But do it for yourself! 

Don’t ever think that getting out of a familiar unhealthy relationship is selfish. It’s not! Take it as a chance to teach people how you should be treated. If one day you know that one of your good friends is stuck in an unhealthy relationship, surely, you would want them to stand up for themselves and move one with their lives. 

Then, why don’t we start looking at ourselves and our own relationships using that same compassionate lens we look at our loved ones’? Stubbornly clinging to a toxic relationship hoping it will change limits us from maximizing our potential- our true self. 

Moving on  is a whole game change and a painful process which doesn’t magically happen overnight. It requires time and a large amount of self-care  to move forward. 

Know what’s holding you back because most of the time you’d find yourself realizing that it’s not really the relationship itself that’s making you stay. It’s the idea of the relationship tied to the hope that one day, it will be better that’s holding you back. 

And if that’s exactly what’s going on, then Yes, this entire message is for you!

Sending your way lots of love and courage for a brand new happier you!

Linda Thomson