I have helped many people transition through divorce/separation to a place of healing. My observations have been that no divorce or separation are the same. Some happen suddenly without warning, leaving people reeling and in shock. There can be many causes for divorce/separation such as:
- An affair is discovered;
- Recent death of a spouse’s parent;
- Undealt childhood trauma surfacing;
- Adult child leaving the marital home;
- People drifting apart over many years and never addressing it; and
- Never having or avoiding difficult conversations with your spouse.
- Not knowing how to manage conflict in a healthy way.
- Never been taught the necessary skills to have a healthy relationship or really knowing what a healthy relationship feels like.
Some divorces are amicable. Some people are able to move forward with their lives without too much complication, but unfortunately, this appears to be rare. What I have observed in my private practice is that people divorce/separate over conversations that they don’t have, rather than the conversations that they do have. I understand that people don’t want to hurt their partners, but by avoiding raising issues, they don’t give their partner the opportunity to change things for the better. This lack of emotional authenticity drains relationships.
I have seen for myself how counselling and therapy can help with divorce and separation. It gives people the healing space they need. It helps people to gain different perspectives and be supported by an unbiased therapist. It helps people to move through their anger, shock, denial and grief in a healthy way.
