We are living in the age of instant gratification, swipe left and swipe right has become the normal way of picking partners.
In my private practice as a mental health social worker, specialising in both single and attached people needing help in relationships, sex therapy, anxiety, self-esteem, self-compassion and divorce/ separation, I have seen so many of my clientele try their hands at on-line dating with varying degrees of success. I have seen first-hand both in my professional life and personal life, lovely couples that seem very well matched who have met this way. Unfortunately, I have also seen the other side of the online dating world that causes me distress.
Are we giving people a fair go when dating online? I have straight men tell me that they get abused on dating sites if they don’t own their own house, look the right way or have a high flying career. Women report that men are too picky or have their pick of women for casual sex so why would they want to settle down? Do these beliefs affect our self-esteem and confidence when we are dating online? I would certainly say yes. It can be hard to give the next person you meet a fair chance if we hold these beliefs when we are dating.
Whether you are straight or gay, dating online is no picnic and not for the faint-hearted. I have had a lot of gay men in my office expressing their pain and anguish at the fast-paced frivolous pretentious hook-up culture that they are experiencing. Often their pain comes from genuinely seeking a long-term relationship and finding that this is so difficult to find. Gay men will talk about how the gay dating world is unforgiving of men’s appearance. I am sure that gay women can also relate to all online dating challenges listed above.
